thoughts...

A couple things I've been mulling about:

1) Am I ALWAYS this exhausted in March?  I'm just cranky and tired and frustrated and unmotivated and ready for the school year to be over, and we aren't quite close enough to the end of the year for this level of done-ness, I fear.  And I'm just not sure if I always feel this weary right about now or if this year is just tougher than usual.  Really.  I'm not sure.  It just sort of feels like I'm complaining more than usual.  Like I mention my grumpitude to my non-teacher friends more often.  And I DO really love my job; I do.  I truly, honestly do.  But sheesh, I'm tired.  I'm mentally sore; emotionally exhausted. 



 2) Sometimes, I really wish I didn't love my kids so much.  Sometimes loving them hurts.  Knowing that their lives are pretty crappy is frustrating and painful.  I wish I could fix their housing situations, their safety fears, their hunger.  I wish I could do it all. 

3)  How do parents do it?  I mean, seriously.  Sometimes, when I get home, it's all I can do to feed the dog, let alone me.  The idea of doing laundry, going to the gym, taking a bath, sometimes even brushing my teeth! seems overwhelming. Sometimes I feel so exhausted, and it's just me.  And I feel guilty sitting here, doing nothing, and I'm just letting myself down (well, and Daisy--who is looking at the leash very pointedly).  How do parents do it? How do they come home from work and do everything?  Feed kids?  Clean kitchens?  Get groceries?  Do laundry?  I'm amazed at parents. I'm amazed at people in relationships.  I barely have enough to function for my own sanity--I surely wouldn't be able to handle anybody else's wellbeing on my shoulders.  I suppose it's a good thing I don't have kids!  I'd leave them in the car and send them to school barefoot, no doubt about it.